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The Ipswich Pentagram. The Ipswich Pentagram reports that the trial of Paris Barrington for flashing (a dangerous weapon) has been No Further Actioned.
The witness to the proceedings a Ms Kaley Tarragon formally Umbrella Grape Solutions has declined to take the case further stating that her days and nights are spent ahem conversing with her partner Ric and she will be unable to get out of bed to make the court starting time of 10am.
She told the Ipswich Pentagram, “I’m a single Mother of 3, well I was until I married my Ric.”
“I don’t care about wasting Police and the CPS’s time in pursuing this case. I’ve a track record of wasting Police time phoning them up because I wanted a bit of attention.”
The defendant in the case Paris Barrington formally Peter Barrington said from his canal boat moored on the River Ouse in Peterborough, “Kaley?” Oh you mean Stinky Knickers. I expect she didn’t have a clean pair to wear for the court hearing. I did not threaten her family, I was too busy using my Breast Pump to enlarge my boobs. I’m a trans woman dotcha know?